If Only I Could Could Say SUCK in Swedish

OK… I think that let­ting this site speak for itself would be a mis­take. First of all, it speaks what I can only assume is Swedish (I’ve been cor­rected, it’s actu­ally Dutch). I’ve learned a lit­tle of it, but couldn’t begin to trans­late. What I do rec­og­nize is suck, and for­tu­nately (or is it unfor­tu­nately) this guy is flu­ent in it and his site has plenty of it to spare. The site is called Willy’s En Mar­jet­ten, and if you find that this is not Swedish, feel free to send hate mail.

What more could you want from a sucky website?

This guy is a VJ or DJ or some­thing. After all, he went out and found every (or what I can only hope is every) ani­mated gif revolv­ing around film and movies and decided to put them all on one hideous page. In all I counted six­teen ani­mated gif images. WTF? Who does that? The Christ­mas light back­ground sur­round­ing the twin­kling stars back­ground is a really nice touch as well, but I did count those in the six­teen. What the hell is up with the thumbs and the giant freaky lips? Seri­ously, the lips scare me. If I didn’t already watch zom­bie movies like Dawn of the Dead, or Res­i­dent Evil for fun, the lips may have given me nightmares.

Hold on a minute. I have to rip the speak­ers out of my lap­top… There, now this site can no longer accost my ears with MIDI polka. That’s right folks. Not only is there MIDI music on the page, but (and this truly blows my mind) some­one actu­ally made one of a polka song. What human beings given tech­nol­ogy won’t do to com­pletely defeat its pur­pose and / or per­vert it. This is evi­dence of what is to come if we adopt nano-bots.

Now, what about lit­tle things like, con­tent? Well, every block of text on this mon­stros­ity is a dif­fer­ent color, and all of them suck. The links (yes, if you dig, you’ll find links) take you to pages that could be con­strued as “worse” than the page from whence you came (yes, I used “whence” in a sen­tence, and I’ll do it again). Why is it nec­es­sary to make more pages when the first one sucks so badly?

I take issue with the fact that this whole site is now burned into my retina. I keep being sur­prised by how badly peo­ple can design a web­site. Do they seri­ously take a look at the fin­ished prod­uct and say, “Nailed it”? It’s like vis­it­ing “pleasestopmoving.com” in that there are some things you just can’t “unsee.” –DISCLAIMER– I did not pro­vide a link to pleases­top­mov­ing. If you do some­thing stu­pid like copy and paste it, you do so at your own peril. You have been warned and if you don’t lis­ten, you’re a com­plete spoon. –END DISCLAIMER–

I’m begin­ning to won­der two things. Firstly, is there any end to the num­ber of sucky web­sites that we’ll be able to find together, and sec­ondly, why the hell do we keep look­ing? I think the answer to both is “Ducks.”

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