With a Name Like Kluk…

So, the prophet of god has come, and his name is Ken Kluk (at least accord­ing to his web­site).  Funny, his web­site sucks.  I guess that’s why it’s here.

You’re going to kill the pope?

In the play The Sun­shine Boys, Willy Clark (played by Wal­ter Matthau), says, “[W]ords with a ‘k’ in it are funny. Alka-Seltzer is funny. Chicken is funny. Pickle is funny. All with a k. Ls are not funny. Ms are not funny.”  If that’s the case, Mr. Kluk is hilar­i­ous.  He is, after all, the world’s most pow­er­ful healer.  If I hap­pen to get the pneu­monic plague or herpa-sypha-gonna-litea-aids, I’ll be sure to give him a call.

We can poke fun at his name for hours (espe­cially for you slow read­ers), or get to the rea­son for being here.  His web­site blows.  Nev­er­mind the fact that he can cure what­ever ails you, and the fact that he seems to hate the pope.  If any­one can read the block in the upper left cor­ner, please tell me what it says.  My eyes don’t do micro­scope mode.  I guess the title of the site is “The Light of God Minis” because the “try” kind of washes over the falls there.  Here we go with pink and blue again (and not on a dog web­site, no less).  I’m sorry, it’s salmon… Nope, pink…

OK… If you want to send a mes­sage to the world, don’t put it in an ugly box with death threats against a reli­gious leader on its wrap­per.  You’re unlikely to con­vert many that way.  I’m pretty open-minded (what?  I am… Seri­ously…), so I thought I’d click on a thing or two.  Did you know that God wants you to Obey him, and con­ve­niently, there’s a list of steps when you click the insanely obscure and almost unread­able “What God Wants From You” link.  The first two I get, but the bat­tle armor?  There’s a link I didn’t fol­low that I pre­sume wants to sell me some of this armor.  I’m good, thanks.  It’d be tough to fly in that stuff, and I guar­an­tee the TSA would “ran­domly” select me for extra screening.

The fact that every page is a god-awful mess of sick­en­ing col­ors makes me sus­pect that he might not know what he’s talk­ing about.  Am I one of the cursed ones?  Do I care?  I’ll sleep com­fort­ably cursed, but know­ing that even my most half-assed attempt at design is less likely to injure some­one than this mess.  That, and I don’t have to use Yahoo site builder to make it.

Wanna see what reli­gious nutjob­bery looks like?  Try this lit­tle gem from his creepy “Dear­born City is Cursed by God” page. “The New­born curse that has been put on all the Al-Kita, mus­lims, by the Lord God Almighty, has been extended to all Dear­born employ­ees, their chil­dren, grand­chil­dren, par­ents, and all past and future gen­er­a­tions, for their sup­port, whether will­ing or unwill­ing, of the Al-Kita.”

What is Al-Kita, any­way?  Here’s another win­ner, “God Gived Mayor O’Reilly Up To One Year Before He Takes Him Out Too!.”  Folks, I couldn’t make that up if I tried…

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